Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
