they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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