you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize