the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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