Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
