His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
