'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
