I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
