i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
