We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was confusing and full of hummus
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
