i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
