Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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