oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
