You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
