You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
