You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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