hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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