if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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