I hate your face
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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