420 ftw
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
