I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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