similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
