Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ttyl tear gas
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
