i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Michael Bay diarrhea
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
