Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
