he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i came on her dog
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
