In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Two words: nipple clamps
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