You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
