Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
