Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
