i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
