I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
