i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
