just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
