What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
