I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize