Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
