If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
