dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize