I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
only you would photoshop your dick
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
