and you said cock pushups were impossible
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
