dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
