my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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