I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize