my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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