I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
