Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
