We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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