Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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