New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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