Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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