3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize