Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
