Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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