The best revenge is premature balding
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
