You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize