Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
