3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need moral support for this bender
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
