if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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