my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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