My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All the doctor said was why
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
