I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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