Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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