Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
pray to the hookup gods
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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