dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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