I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
