found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
