I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
