I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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