matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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