About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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