If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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