I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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