I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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