dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
