I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
