My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
