Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
