Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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