take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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