The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
