I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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