have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
