she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
