If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
