You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
