even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
