i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God, I missed his penis.
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