I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
