i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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