I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
