she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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