woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
