Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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