69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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