ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
