four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
