Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
