its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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