Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
