I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
