i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
