If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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