Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize