i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
two words: eviction party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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