so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
