Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
