Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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