Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
