everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
