I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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