Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
