What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
