I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
God, I missed his penis.
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