is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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