i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
