bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize