I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
