1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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