Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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