just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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