Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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