I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
